Money Dates: Strengthening Your Financial Connection

Mark W. Vandenburg, Jr. |
Executive Summary
  • Engage in Meaningful Conversations: Shift from “drive-by” money check-ins to intentional Money Dates that foster open communication about your current financial picture, past wins, and future goals.
  • Celebrate Progress Together: Schedule monthly Money Dates to reflect on achievements, address action items, and collaboratively set goals—reinforcing healthy financial behaviors.
  • Focus on the Big Picture: Keep the spotlight on your shared values and long-term vision, instead of getting distracted by day-to-day spending.

In the past two months, we explored how money reflects our values and introduced Money Mapping as a tool to align your financial decisions with your priorities. This month, we’re bringing it all together—especially for couples who manage finances jointly.

Despite being a major part of daily life, money often remains an avoided topic between partners. We're not talking about the quick, surface-level chats about bills and balances. We're talking about purposeful, in-depth conversations that explore your financial past, your current progress, and your future aspirations.

That’s where Money Dates come in.

What Are Money Dates?

Money Dates are intentional check-ins designed to strengthen communication, celebrate progress, and build a shared vision for your financial life. Money is a powerful force—and when couples address it together, it becomes a powerful tool for connection.

A Personal Story

When my wife and I first merged our finances, I assumed I'd manage everything—after all, I work in finance. But I quickly realized how wrong that assumption was. My wife, raised by a single mom, deeply valued having an equal voice in our financial life.

This experience taught me that financial transparency isn't about who knows more—it's about mutual respect and shared ownership.

Getting Started: Vulnerability Builds Trust

Starting a Money Date doesn’t require a perfect plan—just honesty and openness.

  • Start with vulnerability. Share how it would feel if you both felt confident about your finances.
  • Ask your partner how they feel about money. Really listen.
  • Use positive, inclusive language. Try "yes, and" instead of "but" to keep the dialogue collaborative.
  • Minimize distractions. Turn off your phones. Give each other undivided attention.
  • Create a shared vision. Talk about how you both want to feel about money and what you want your future to look like.
Celebrate Your Wins

Your first Money Date is a milestone—celebrate it!

Maybe it’s a favorite bottle of wine, a date night, or a walk in your favorite park. Acknowledging progress (not perfection) keeps the momentum going.

  • Make it monthly. My wife and I hold our Money Date at the end of each month.
  • Start with wins. Big or small, celebrate what you accomplished.
  • Reward major achievements. Promotions, savings milestones, or debt payoff deserve special recognition—like a weekend getaway or spa day.
Review, Reflect, and Recommit

Next, circle back to any action items from your last Money Date. Whether you're choosing between travel destinations or finalizing a home improvement project, make sure both partners feel included in the decision-making.

Use your Money Map (from last month’s blog) to revisit priorities. Check in on expenses, savings, and progress toward long-term goals.

End on a high note:

  • Say “I love you.”
  • Acknowledge something you admire about your partner—like their commitment, support, or financial discipline.
  • Reinforce that this journey is one you’re on together.
Keep the Focus on What Matters Most

It’s easy to get sidetracked by small transactions or minor account fluctuations. Stay focused on the big picture:

  • Are we building our emergency fund?
  • Are we aligned on our long-term goals?
  • Are we making decisions that reflect our shared values?

These are the conversations that deepen connection and build a stronger financial future—together.

Final Thoughts

There’s no perfect script for a Money Date. This framework is just a starting point—adapt it to suit your relationship. If you'd like help developing a personalized approach, we’re here for you.

And remember: The only number that doesn’t compound is zero.

Don’t let the fear of doing it “wrong” keep you from starting. Progress beats perfection every time. Here's to more open conversations, deeper connections, and a future you're both excited about.